by Henry on Dec. 5, 2005 @ 12:00 PM

I first met Eliot two months ago when a pipe burst in our building and flooded the bottom floor. As we waited outside together, he very nicely offered me a number of his Funyons and we chatted for a while about Prince Harry's famous Nazi Halloween costume. He's 23, works for a small money management firm, wears olive curdoroys and reads a lot of historical fiction.

After that initial pleasant encounter, I saw Eliot in the halls a number of times. I usually greeted him by making my hand into a pistol and calling him things like "E-Man" and "E-trade." In spite of these bizarre encounters, we became chummy enough that last night I decided to stop by his place on my way out to see if he wanted to come. He was watching a "Wonder Years" DVD (caution) but was more than eager to join.

What transpired at the bar we went to was one of the most powerful displays of social awkwardness I have seen to date. Eliot was sitting across the booth from me at the other end and would frequently yell inexplicable comments in my direction such as, "Henry, don't you just love Soduku?" and "Henry, have you seen the most recent Vibe magazine?" (the answer to the last one was yes, but that's not the point). Eliot's remarks would, without fail, silence the table and cause everyone to stare into their beer like they wanted to cut themselves.

Perhaps the most telling example of Eliot's social ineptitude came when the conversation turned towards the 90's TV Show "Saved by the Bell." Although this program was not a part of my youth, I have seen it come up a number of times in mixed company as a kind of default for a "quirky conversation topic." Anyways, it got to the point where people were so hysterical with the idea of Saved By the Bell that simply mentioning the name of a new character would get uprorious laughter. Then, Eliot decided to chime in. "Henry, remember that time when Lisa Turtle broke her ankle and still won that dance contest with Casey Casum?" Complete silence. It was as if he had screamed "Aids-Cancer!" To make matters worse, someone at the booth next to ours must have made a hilarious joke because they all erupted in laughter and everyone at our table just had to sit there, pondering what it felt like to experience joy.

The moral of the story? Last night was the best time I've had in a month and I'm definitely inviting Eliot back to meet another group of my friends. No joke. E-man is the rare human being who can transcend awkwardness and reach a higher plane of awesome. It's the beginning of a beautiful friendship.